Step by Step

Life is wonderful!

Today was a great day, I stayed home with my mom, my brother, and my nephew. I was so delighted to see my sunshine. I can't thank God enough. I started off the morning and early afternoon with a great phone conversation. It's truly amazing how my dreams have their way of lurking into my present day. I spoke with "esperanza" today. He told me that he and his girlfriend decided to go their separate ways, and we talked about a dream I had a couple weeks ago, and basically how that dream foresaw the destiny of his and his girlfriend's relationship. I really like "esperanza" because: he listens to me, he challenges my way of thinking, he's smart, he's not intimidated by my smarts, he's sexy, and he has a way of allowing me the ease of feeling sexy without feeling as if I have to succumb to a hyper-sexual feminine role. "Esperanza" is beautiful. He told me that he and his ex-girlfriend didn't work out because she doubted their relationship, and I don't intend on following her mental footsteps. We're not in a relationship at the moment, but I think it's possible. But, of course, it's something that him and I would have to discuss--something worth clarifying so that we can both be on the same page.
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You know I can't leave this canvas without pasting a quote, so here goes:

"Poetry is the possibility of language”

One thing that I'm definitely looking forward to this summer is poetry workshops galore. I don't want to say that I've lost my mojo, but I will say that I've been internalizing a lot of ideas for poems rather than fleshing them onto paper. I do have a lot to say, I've just been a little critical about the right and wrong way of expressing what is on my mind, which is horrible because the first step in writing a poem is to get it all out--no edits, or cover ups. My poetic aspirations for this summer are as follows:

% more open mics (even if just to listen)
% more networking
% record a poem at Union Square
% more train writing
% more workshop attendance
% vomiting first then cleaning up later

I intend of accomplishing these aspirations STEP BY STEP:

Make A Meal Out Of God's Ingredient's

Hey Hey Hey,

I'm in the mood to write, freely. I've been super productive with getting my schoolwork done. I'm even ahead, which is great and will definitely come in handy throughout the rest of the week. This week is going to be pretty--or should I say, Ferociously--chaotic for me. I've got meetings left and right, phone calls to make, as well as revisions, all while waking up (on time) to go class.

I know it's been a while since I've filled this canvas, as it usually is. But, nonetheless, I'm here now, and I'm ready to fill it up with updates on my current endeavors.

NuMeRo Uno:
I had to write three petitions in order to study abroad in Rome, Italy. They ALL passed. wait. Let me write that again. ALL THREE OF MY PETITIONS HAVE BEEN APPROVED FOR ME TO STUDY ABROAD IN ROME, ITALY! Ah, much better. With that being said, my mountain of tasks for this week include making phone calls, and attending a meeting to find out what financial aid and/or work-study options are available to me.

I want this.




NuMeRo Dos:
It was suggested that my school enter the collegiate slams. Thus, as the co-president of my school's poetry club, I have to research more information about how exactly to go about entering the collegiate. A school slam may definitely be involved first.

I've got to work out the kinks.












NuMeRo Tres:
Amongst all the other great and exiting things that are happening, I have to try find a way to keep writing. I've been trying to work on creating my first album. However, it's proving to be more difficult than expected; mostly because it requires my reliance on other people.

I hate relying on other people. Let me fail me...


NuMeRo Four:

I really wanted to keep it at the top 3, but, whatever. This one is on my mind like a pile of books on my skull's shelf; my 21st birthday!!!! It's coming real soon, in less than a month, actually. I really want to throw a huge party in an NYC night club. But, that takes planning which I'm not sure how to magically fold up into a small enough shape to tuck in my pocket for later re-visitation. But then again, I don't have a time for later visitation.

I need to start planning now!

quote of the moment:

god gives you the ingredients, it’s up to you to make your own recipe


application?
I've been given so many opportunities, I just have to figure out how to cook them up into a Soul-Vitalizing Soup, or else, they'll just be individual ingredients that lack potency when untouched; when used.

The Epiphany & The List

Ladies and Gentlemen!
It is time. It is time to reflect on the past, analyze it--not too deeply, look at the present, and where I want to be in the future. As I've mentioned before, I've had a very hard life and underwent situations that has deeply impacted my current life. Just a few minutes ago, my mom was talking to me and basically apologizing for the way that she raised my brother and I. With her being strong enough to do that, I came to my own epiphany.
THE EPIPHANY:
Yes, I did have a tough childhood, and yes, it has most definitely had and effect on my way of life now, and the woman that I am growing to be. However, my past doesn't have to be my future. I can repair myself--with time, and reflection. God has been granting me a new day for the past (almost) 21 years, which means that it is a chance for me to really think about things, and deeply. More specifically, when I say things, I really mean, the ways in which I can be a better person, a happier person, who has moved forward without baggage from the past.
I am ready to move on, I am ready to set goals, and accomplish them. I realize that I am approaching adulthood, and the choices that I make now, will forever effect the rest of my life, my sanity, and my happiness. I want to be happy because in that, there is entitlement to success!
THE LIST:
Here's a list of stuff that I've been thinking about
1. getting an agent after (undergraduate) school
2. getting low-income housing in nyc after undergrad
3. getting a part time job...a.s.a.p
4. start investing my money into a CD
5. making appropriate appointments to situate my health-related matters
6. not getting into a relationship, or any sexual relations, until after undergrad
7. getting that GPA up! for grad school in nyc--of course!
8. and maybe a puppy to compliment that nyc low-income apartment

Life is great, and everything great is life~

"THE INCONVENIENT TRUTH" (title inspired by Michelle S.)

Ladies and Gents, I'm back! While it hasn't been that long, the presence of my thoughts have been absent from the space of this canvas. But, I'm here now, and I'm ready to share. So, brace yourself.

Since the time of my last post, something "major" that has changed is my relationship status. I am back on the list alongside all the single ladies. And, I am throwing my hands up (like Beyonce said) because I do have something to say. I watched a video that a friend of mine sent to me in a message. The video is about black married couples, from a truthful perspective. While watching the video, a phrase that really resonated in my mind was,

"YOUNG GIRLS HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW MEN ARE...AND WHAT MAKES UP A GOOD MAN. THEIR FIRST TEACHER IS OFTEN THEIR FATHERS"

This statement could not have been said any better. Men who become fathers (by choice or unplanned) are not only responsible, but essentially, are obligated to be models of exactly what kind of man their daughters should accept in their life. So many women, like myself, who have grown up without a father--or a father figure--in the household, live their lives dipping in and out of "relationships" with boys who haven't learned how to a be a man to a deserving and great woman. The lack of a father in the home is both a disadvantage to male and female children in the way that it negatively affects their judgements as adults. As the video mentions, and as I just stated, girls are impacted by this absence in the sense that because we don't have a blueprint or a sort of manual (which should be provided for us through the love and support of our fathers) we nomadically browse through guys, while only having the slightest clue--for some of us-- as to what it is that we need. In other words, we lead our selves on a hunt for men driven by "want"-based fuel; "oh, i want a guy who...", or "i want a guy that...". Ladies, needs will always outweigh wants.

In the case of young boys who grow up without a father, the disadvantage lies in choice-making that pertains to the way they view themselves amongst other men, and alongside women. These unfathered sons, sometimes grow up thinking that being a man is about being tough, and having control. Moreover, because they witnessed seeing their father leave their mother, or in some cases, not there at all, these sons grow up thinking that it is acceptable to "inferiorize" women, merely because of their fathers' treatment towards their mothers.

With all of this being said, the main point that I want to staple this canvas is that men who become fathers, whether accidently or by choice, need to step up! As a father, you are obligated to care for and properly guide whatever creature gets pushed out of the womb of the woman into whom you inserted your instrument. If you're gonna have an instrument, you better learn and be willing to make music. Furthermore, what you raise and instill in these children will dictate their choices as adults, and if they do become parents it's very possible that they could treat their seeds the same way that you treated them. Thus, this will only lead us to a continuously recycled system of boys who don't know how to be men, and girls afraid of becoming women because of this lack of male guidance.

If your hands aren't strong enough or capable of holding what god places in them, then keep the glove on!

SPEAKING OF MAPS...

It's 12:19--to be exact--in the morning and I should be doing something far more productive. But, I figure if I'm not gonna be entirely productive, I might as well treat myself to something that is off task but still beneficial in some way.

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything. However, I'm here now, and the present is what matters most. With that being said, here are some of my current endeavors:

1. UP UP & AWAY!!!

It's official! I've decided that I will be studying abroad. As of right now, I don't have the details officialize. But, I'm looking at heading to the beautiful Italy for the fall semester of next year.

2. A PIECE OF PEACE ~

Something that has been weighing heavily on my noodle--my brain--is a project for peace. In other words, my school participates in the Davis Project For Peace, and I've been brainstorming ideas for a possible project I'd like to do. What I know for sure is that my project will deal with the use of Art --in diverse forms--as a catalyst for social change. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm thinking I want to work with youth; they are pretty important.

3. HIM *^*

Yeah, I've got a guy. He found me on 14th street sometime back in August---the 18th to be exact--sitting on the steps waiting for Roxy, the great. I guess, I attracted him to me, well that's what The Secret would say, and maybe it's true. Anywho, we're still goin', and I'm not gonna lie: I do have my fears, my doubts, and my insecurities. However, I'm tryin' to hang in there and just go with the flow, all while learning and understanding the rules of the game.

WORDS TO KEEP IN MIND:

"my skin is like a map of where my heart has been”--Natasha Bedingfield

*Reading this quote reminds me of just how awesome of a songwriter Natasha Bedingfield is, she really write things that are not only applicable to our real lives, but she does it in a way that is sublime.

Anywho, the time now is 12:37 am. I'm gonna go release my "demon", and then do some studying for microecon.

Ciao! ---mite as well get used to the Italian dialect now :D

Business First!

Whew!,

Hey reader,
After decades of an absence, I'm back on the scene with some fresh updates. First off, I must let you know that this entry is being brought straight to you from Boston. Yep, my lovely time in the great NYC has unfortunately come to an end (for now anyways). Although, before I know it, I will soon be heading back to ....school. With this being said, it's a MUST that I update you on my summer commentaries.

SUMMER WAS GREAT!, while I wish it could last forever, the other seasons must come and with those seasons there is business that needs to be handled. So, nonetheless, here are a list of random thoughts, reflections, etc...all having to do with my summer/time in nyc.

EL LISTO:

1. CONFIDENCE***

NYC has sewn in me a great deal of confidence that I once had as a younger person, but somehow lost along the way, due to major and minor growing pains. This confidence comes from the simple fact of knowing/getting accustomed to fact that the people in NYC are so busy living their own lives that they really could care less what other people are doing, or wearing, or saying, and etc. Yep, my confidence is back.

2. ARTISTRY***

With this confidence readmitance, I have gained a deeper desire and passion for my artistry. I have learned that as an artist--a performer, in particular-- you must be ready to perform at any and all times because you never know where someone can take you, literally! Furthermore, when you perform you must do it because you LOVE it, and with that attitude, you'll truly be able to--CONFIDENTLY--put your whole heart and soul into what it is that you're doing.

3. SELF SATISFACTION***

As someone who, as a small child, has been instilled with the moral of being kind to others, self-satistfaction is one of the hardest traits that I battle with keeping under my belt. However, as of late, I've been striving towards achieving the very things that make me most happiest. If I am not pleaxed, then I cannot please you.

In case you were wondering, the theme for this entry is,

HANDLE BUSINESSS FIRST

I met a very special person who, in an attempt to destress my anxiety about leaving nyc, told me that before I can do all of the "fun" stuff that I'm itching to do, I must handle business first. He couldn't have said it any better.

While Nyc and summer time experiences and activities were great, I know that now is the time that all business must be handled. I need to get my baggage together before I can begin the journey.

Until next time,

Peace and Love....

It has to exist before it can happen...

Back on the scene, look who it is, it's MEEEE!!!!

Hey reader, I'm back to fill up this white space with my thoughts, enlightenments, and other thingie-muh-jiggs!

TODAY'S THEME:

"the body achieves what the mind believes”

Two days ago, I met up with Roxy-the great for something like a lunch date. While exchanging updates about our summer, Roxy told me about the leading cause for ability to pull herself up to a great level of success. In this case, success consists of finding--not one, but--two jobs after being committed to daily lip-singing morning routines and complete boredom. In a nutshell, she directs her credit for her sudden motivation to get her life together to:

That's right ladies and gents, it's THE SECRET!!!!

I hadn't known or even heard anything about the existence of The Secret, and if you're in the same boat that I once was in, I'll tell you a little about the secret. Basically, the secret is about using the law of attraction to harbor success in the field of relationships, wealth, and health. The secret defines us as beings that are like magnets, and says that,

You are a magnet attracting to you all things, via the signal you are emitting through your thoughts and feelings.

The book goes on to mention other aspects of what it takes to attain success in these different areas (finance, health, romance). It gives an example of a woman who was zealous about finding a partner; a man; romance...whatever you want to call it. Anywho, she had (seemingly) been doing all the right things that the secret instructed her to do. She asked for what she wanted, she was answered, but she did not receive. The reason for this was because she wasn't actually allowing her mind to see what it was that she wanted, so that she could be successful in achieving. Though seemingly minor, her mistake was that when she was sleeping in her bed, she'd sleep in the middle. Or, when she'd park her car, she would park in the middle. Basically, she was living her live and practicing habits that encouraged the life of a complacently single person who was not making literal/physical space for an anticipated partner.

The book is great and I highly recommend that you check it out. I haven't yet read the book in it's entirety, but I watched the movie via youtube, which I also recommend you do.

With all of that being said, I just wanted to let you know that this theory is something that I believe in and I have been striving towards applying to every aspect of my life in order to attain true happiness.

I want to keep this post within the seams. So, I'll end here with the reiteration of the theme/main quote of this post,

"the body achieves what the mind believes”

always peace & love,

me