Step by Step

Life is wonderful!

Today was a great day, I stayed home with my mom, my brother, and my nephew. I was so delighted to see my sunshine. I can't thank God enough. I started off the morning and early afternoon with a great phone conversation. It's truly amazing how my dreams have their way of lurking into my present day. I spoke with "esperanza" today. He told me that he and his girlfriend decided to go their separate ways, and we talked about a dream I had a couple weeks ago, and basically how that dream foresaw the destiny of his and his girlfriend's relationship. I really like "esperanza" because: he listens to me, he challenges my way of thinking, he's smart, he's not intimidated by my smarts, he's sexy, and he has a way of allowing me the ease of feeling sexy without feeling as if I have to succumb to a hyper-sexual feminine role. "Esperanza" is beautiful. He told me that he and his ex-girlfriend didn't work out because she doubted their relationship, and I don't intend on following her mental footsteps. We're not in a relationship at the moment, but I think it's possible. But, of course, it's something that him and I would have to discuss--something worth clarifying so that we can both be on the same page.
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You know I can't leave this canvas without pasting a quote, so here goes:

"Poetry is the possibility of language”

One thing that I'm definitely looking forward to this summer is poetry workshops galore. I don't want to say that I've lost my mojo, but I will say that I've been internalizing a lot of ideas for poems rather than fleshing them onto paper. I do have a lot to say, I've just been a little critical about the right and wrong way of expressing what is on my mind, which is horrible because the first step in writing a poem is to get it all out--no edits, or cover ups. My poetic aspirations for this summer are as follows:

% more open mics (even if just to listen)
% more networking
% record a poem at Union Square
% more train writing
% more workshop attendance
% vomiting first then cleaning up later

I intend of accomplishing these aspirations STEP BY STEP:

Make A Meal Out Of God's Ingredient's

Hey Hey Hey,

I'm in the mood to write, freely. I've been super productive with getting my schoolwork done. I'm even ahead, which is great and will definitely come in handy throughout the rest of the week. This week is going to be pretty--or should I say, Ferociously--chaotic for me. I've got meetings left and right, phone calls to make, as well as revisions, all while waking up (on time) to go class.

I know it's been a while since I've filled this canvas, as it usually is. But, nonetheless, I'm here now, and I'm ready to fill it up with updates on my current endeavors.

NuMeRo Uno:
I had to write three petitions in order to study abroad in Rome, Italy. They ALL passed. wait. Let me write that again. ALL THREE OF MY PETITIONS HAVE BEEN APPROVED FOR ME TO STUDY ABROAD IN ROME, ITALY! Ah, much better. With that being said, my mountain of tasks for this week include making phone calls, and attending a meeting to find out what financial aid and/or work-study options are available to me.

I want this.




NuMeRo Dos:
It was suggested that my school enter the collegiate slams. Thus, as the co-president of my school's poetry club, I have to research more information about how exactly to go about entering the collegiate. A school slam may definitely be involved first.

I've got to work out the kinks.












NuMeRo Tres:
Amongst all the other great and exiting things that are happening, I have to try find a way to keep writing. I've been trying to work on creating my first album. However, it's proving to be more difficult than expected; mostly because it requires my reliance on other people.

I hate relying on other people. Let me fail me...


NuMeRo Four:

I really wanted to keep it at the top 3, but, whatever. This one is on my mind like a pile of books on my skull's shelf; my 21st birthday!!!! It's coming real soon, in less than a month, actually. I really want to throw a huge party in an NYC night club. But, that takes planning which I'm not sure how to magically fold up into a small enough shape to tuck in my pocket for later re-visitation. But then again, I don't have a time for later visitation.

I need to start planning now!

quote of the moment:

god gives you the ingredients, it’s up to you to make your own recipe


application?
I've been given so many opportunities, I just have to figure out how to cook them up into a Soul-Vitalizing Soup, or else, they'll just be individual ingredients that lack potency when untouched; when used.

The Epiphany & The List

Ladies and Gentlemen!
It is time. It is time to reflect on the past, analyze it--not too deeply, look at the present, and where I want to be in the future. As I've mentioned before, I've had a very hard life and underwent situations that has deeply impacted my current life. Just a few minutes ago, my mom was talking to me and basically apologizing for the way that she raised my brother and I. With her being strong enough to do that, I came to my own epiphany.
THE EPIPHANY:
Yes, I did have a tough childhood, and yes, it has most definitely had and effect on my way of life now, and the woman that I am growing to be. However, my past doesn't have to be my future. I can repair myself--with time, and reflection. God has been granting me a new day for the past (almost) 21 years, which means that it is a chance for me to really think about things, and deeply. More specifically, when I say things, I really mean, the ways in which I can be a better person, a happier person, who has moved forward without baggage from the past.
I am ready to move on, I am ready to set goals, and accomplish them. I realize that I am approaching adulthood, and the choices that I make now, will forever effect the rest of my life, my sanity, and my happiness. I want to be happy because in that, there is entitlement to success!
THE LIST:
Here's a list of stuff that I've been thinking about
1. getting an agent after (undergraduate) school
2. getting low-income housing in nyc after undergrad
3. getting a part time job...a.s.a.p
4. start investing my money into a CD
5. making appropriate appointments to situate my health-related matters
6. not getting into a relationship, or any sexual relations, until after undergrad
7. getting that GPA up! for grad school in nyc--of course!
8. and maybe a puppy to compliment that nyc low-income apartment

Life is great, and everything great is life~