"THE INCONVENIENT TRUTH" (title inspired by Michelle S.)

Ladies and Gents, I'm back! While it hasn't been that long, the presence of my thoughts have been absent from the space of this canvas. But, I'm here now, and I'm ready to share. So, brace yourself.

Since the time of my last post, something "major" that has changed is my relationship status. I am back on the list alongside all the single ladies. And, I am throwing my hands up (like Beyonce said) because I do have something to say. I watched a video that a friend of mine sent to me in a message. The video is about black married couples, from a truthful perspective. While watching the video, a phrase that really resonated in my mind was,

"YOUNG GIRLS HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW MEN ARE...AND WHAT MAKES UP A GOOD MAN. THEIR FIRST TEACHER IS OFTEN THEIR FATHERS"

This statement could not have been said any better. Men who become fathers (by choice or unplanned) are not only responsible, but essentially, are obligated to be models of exactly what kind of man their daughters should accept in their life. So many women, like myself, who have grown up without a father--or a father figure--in the household, live their lives dipping in and out of "relationships" with boys who haven't learned how to a be a man to a deserving and great woman. The lack of a father in the home is both a disadvantage to male and female children in the way that it negatively affects their judgements as adults. As the video mentions, and as I just stated, girls are impacted by this absence in the sense that because we don't have a blueprint or a sort of manual (which should be provided for us through the love and support of our fathers) we nomadically browse through guys, while only having the slightest clue--for some of us-- as to what it is that we need. In other words, we lead our selves on a hunt for men driven by "want"-based fuel; "oh, i want a guy who...", or "i want a guy that...". Ladies, needs will always outweigh wants.

In the case of young boys who grow up without a father, the disadvantage lies in choice-making that pertains to the way they view themselves amongst other men, and alongside women. These unfathered sons, sometimes grow up thinking that being a man is about being tough, and having control. Moreover, because they witnessed seeing their father leave their mother, or in some cases, not there at all, these sons grow up thinking that it is acceptable to "inferiorize" women, merely because of their fathers' treatment towards their mothers.

With all of this being said, the main point that I want to staple this canvas is that men who become fathers, whether accidently or by choice, need to step up! As a father, you are obligated to care for and properly guide whatever creature gets pushed out of the womb of the woman into whom you inserted your instrument. If you're gonna have an instrument, you better learn and be willing to make music. Furthermore, what you raise and instill in these children will dictate their choices as adults, and if they do become parents it's very possible that they could treat their seeds the same way that you treated them. Thus, this will only lead us to a continuously recycled system of boys who don't know how to be men, and girls afraid of becoming women because of this lack of male guidance.

If your hands aren't strong enough or capable of holding what god places in them, then keep the glove on!

SPEAKING OF MAPS...

It's 12:19--to be exact--in the morning and I should be doing something far more productive. But, I figure if I'm not gonna be entirely productive, I might as well treat myself to something that is off task but still beneficial in some way.

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything. However, I'm here now, and the present is what matters most. With that being said, here are some of my current endeavors:

1. UP UP & AWAY!!!

It's official! I've decided that I will be studying abroad. As of right now, I don't have the details officialize. But, I'm looking at heading to the beautiful Italy for the fall semester of next year.

2. A PIECE OF PEACE ~

Something that has been weighing heavily on my noodle--my brain--is a project for peace. In other words, my school participates in the Davis Project For Peace, and I've been brainstorming ideas for a possible project I'd like to do. What I know for sure is that my project will deal with the use of Art --in diverse forms--as a catalyst for social change. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm thinking I want to work with youth; they are pretty important.

3. HIM *^*

Yeah, I've got a guy. He found me on 14th street sometime back in August---the 18th to be exact--sitting on the steps waiting for Roxy, the great. I guess, I attracted him to me, well that's what The Secret would say, and maybe it's true. Anywho, we're still goin', and I'm not gonna lie: I do have my fears, my doubts, and my insecurities. However, I'm tryin' to hang in there and just go with the flow, all while learning and understanding the rules of the game.

WORDS TO KEEP IN MIND:

"my skin is like a map of where my heart has been”--Natasha Bedingfield

*Reading this quote reminds me of just how awesome of a songwriter Natasha Bedingfield is, she really write things that are not only applicable to our real lives, but she does it in a way that is sublime.

Anywho, the time now is 12:37 am. I'm gonna go release my "demon", and then do some studying for microecon.

Ciao! ---mite as well get used to the Italian dialect now :D

Business First!

Whew!,

Hey reader,
After decades of an absence, I'm back on the scene with some fresh updates. First off, I must let you know that this entry is being brought straight to you from Boston. Yep, my lovely time in the great NYC has unfortunately come to an end (for now anyways). Although, before I know it, I will soon be heading back to ....school. With this being said, it's a MUST that I update you on my summer commentaries.

SUMMER WAS GREAT!, while I wish it could last forever, the other seasons must come and with those seasons there is business that needs to be handled. So, nonetheless, here are a list of random thoughts, reflections, etc...all having to do with my summer/time in nyc.

EL LISTO:

1. CONFIDENCE***

NYC has sewn in me a great deal of confidence that I once had as a younger person, but somehow lost along the way, due to major and minor growing pains. This confidence comes from the simple fact of knowing/getting accustomed to fact that the people in NYC are so busy living their own lives that they really could care less what other people are doing, or wearing, or saying, and etc. Yep, my confidence is back.

2. ARTISTRY***

With this confidence readmitance, I have gained a deeper desire and passion for my artistry. I have learned that as an artist--a performer, in particular-- you must be ready to perform at any and all times because you never know where someone can take you, literally! Furthermore, when you perform you must do it because you LOVE it, and with that attitude, you'll truly be able to--CONFIDENTLY--put your whole heart and soul into what it is that you're doing.

3. SELF SATISFACTION***

As someone who, as a small child, has been instilled with the moral of being kind to others, self-satistfaction is one of the hardest traits that I battle with keeping under my belt. However, as of late, I've been striving towards achieving the very things that make me most happiest. If I am not pleaxed, then I cannot please you.

In case you were wondering, the theme for this entry is,

HANDLE BUSINESSS FIRST

I met a very special person who, in an attempt to destress my anxiety about leaving nyc, told me that before I can do all of the "fun" stuff that I'm itching to do, I must handle business first. He couldn't have said it any better.

While Nyc and summer time experiences and activities were great, I know that now is the time that all business must be handled. I need to get my baggage together before I can begin the journey.

Until next time,

Peace and Love....

It has to exist before it can happen...

Back on the scene, look who it is, it's MEEEE!!!!

Hey reader, I'm back to fill up this white space with my thoughts, enlightenments, and other thingie-muh-jiggs!

TODAY'S THEME:

"the body achieves what the mind believes”

Two days ago, I met up with Roxy-the great for something like a lunch date. While exchanging updates about our summer, Roxy told me about the leading cause for ability to pull herself up to a great level of success. In this case, success consists of finding--not one, but--two jobs after being committed to daily lip-singing morning routines and complete boredom. In a nutshell, she directs her credit for her sudden motivation to get her life together to:

That's right ladies and gents, it's THE SECRET!!!!

I hadn't known or even heard anything about the existence of The Secret, and if you're in the same boat that I once was in, I'll tell you a little about the secret. Basically, the secret is about using the law of attraction to harbor success in the field of relationships, wealth, and health. The secret defines us as beings that are like magnets, and says that,

You are a magnet attracting to you all things, via the signal you are emitting through your thoughts and feelings.

The book goes on to mention other aspects of what it takes to attain success in these different areas (finance, health, romance). It gives an example of a woman who was zealous about finding a partner; a man; romance...whatever you want to call it. Anywho, she had (seemingly) been doing all the right things that the secret instructed her to do. She asked for what she wanted, she was answered, but she did not receive. The reason for this was because she wasn't actually allowing her mind to see what it was that she wanted, so that she could be successful in achieving. Though seemingly minor, her mistake was that when she was sleeping in her bed, she'd sleep in the middle. Or, when she'd park her car, she would park in the middle. Basically, she was living her live and practicing habits that encouraged the life of a complacently single person who was not making literal/physical space for an anticipated partner.

The book is great and I highly recommend that you check it out. I haven't yet read the book in it's entirety, but I watched the movie via youtube, which I also recommend you do.

With all of that being said, I just wanted to let you know that this theory is something that I believe in and I have been striving towards applying to every aspect of my life in order to attain true happiness.

I want to keep this post within the seams. So, I'll end here with the reiteration of the theme/main quote of this post,

"the body achieves what the mind believes”

always peace & love,

me

NOT Gon' Cry

Hey reader,

Sitting on the floor, legs stretched out, and a purple freeze pop in hand; this is my current state. It's been a little lot a bit of time since I've posted something. Since the weather is all crappy, and I'm attempting to slay some time before my minutes are free, I'm gonna write.

Today's random quote/theme is (drum rrroll please!)...

"I don’t have no time to cry”

With that being said, though there is a lot for me to cry about at this point in my life (i.e. this sucky weather that had held me back from clubbin'), there is also a lot to smile, laugh, and be joyous about. So, here it is in list form (no special order, except # 1 has to be #1):

1. Yah girl is now employed! yes-- you read it correctly, at lasssstttt my jobbbb has come along, and my broooke days are overrr...

You know I had to drop the lyrics to the remix. Anywho, after I take my drug test (which, I will pass), I will be doing orientation and will be fully employed. hoLLa!

2. I've added new members to my closet club. These members consist of a black over-the-shoulder sling bag, a beige Fedora (made 100% paper, tell me that's not cool, and yeS! it is a legit Fedora), seamless purple spandex shorts, a black spandex spaghetti-strapped dress (got to get that full-body grip, *wink wink*), and a long leopard print halter dress (that thankfully doesn't require bra "wearage" 'cause my titties look great in them). THANK YOU GOD...FOR NEW CLOTHES!

3. I am very close to finishing a poem. Yaayyyy!

In case you're wondering, the poem is about city life and how we "city dwellers" have somehow become too comfortable, particularly in areas (i.e. violence) that require DiScomfort (just like this guy's wedgy).

_______________________

Now do you see why, "I don't have time to cry"? Yep, it's 'cause I'm making time to smile about the great things that have come my way. Here's a throw back jam from Mary J. B. (ripped and re-sewn by Monica...she had me in tears, now thaT's a reason 2 cry):

....iS the matter

Happy Sunday!!!

Happy Sunday, indeed it was! 

Today was a great day. I went to an outdoor birthday celebration. In relaxed terms, I went to a cookout. Considering that yesterday fell down on me hard like the twin towers hitting pavement. Some-how, there's a little light that clings to my inner-walls. This is the light of faith that keeps me believing that what I'm experiencing now is not the worst and that everything will be alright. This light is little but its shine is hella-bright! 

With this being said, today's theme is: "Fear iS the matter"

Rather than applying and dedicating this quote solely to this day, I will make it my ambition to make sure that this statement is challenged throughout the week. When I think about how saddening my current status is, I have to analyze and categorize how much control I have over each situation. Let me explain exactly what it is that I'm referring to when I say "my current status". So, here's a brief synopsis:

1. I haven't yet received my $500 stipend that I was guaranteed and used as the foundation for budgeting my summer in NYC. 

2. I currently have $30 in my account and it gets lower as I purchase a daily metro card.

3. My phone has been shut off because I have exceeded and haven't been able to pay my balance.

4. I don't have a job!

Out of all of these "numbers", four is the one that dictates and outweighs the list. If I had a job, number 2 & 3 would not be existing factors, and number 1 simply wouldn't matter. 

MAIN POINT: I have control over my ability to get a job. While I have done some job searching and filling out of applications online, I have not [at all] stepped foot into a store to submit an application. One of my friends who was in the same position that I'm currently in, just recently got a job. If she can do it, I know I can do it too! What holds me back from searching to the best of my ability is FEAR. Honestly, something about physically entering a store and asking if whether or not they are hiring, and for an application, intimidates me. To add on to this, I think it's my sky-high-pride that also holds me back from doing what is necessary in order to get where I need to be. I guess I could draw the conclusion that my pride is actually a derivation of FEAR. 

CONCLUSION: My goal is to go store to store and ask for applications. Furthermore, once I post this entry I will research "job fairs" that I can attend, which might actually be a better/easier target. I have to do this for me! FEAR IS THE MATTER....THAT HOLDS ME BACK. I need to be brave. 

On that note, I leave you with a tune by Brave Little Toaster

(hey, don't judge me for thinking outside the box and sharing something expected/common like Brave by J. Lo)

Obligated...

I feel obligated to be me

What an interesting--to say the least--day! I'm not even sure where to begin with this post. Alright, I'll start with today's "theme". The subject for today is based on the line, "I feel obligated to be me". 

I had the day off today, and spent most of my time outside just enjoying the beautiful Bronx view. At this moment, mostly every part of me is wishing that I never stepped a foot out of my front door. My reasoning for this is based upon the main event that took place today. Long story short, I basically made a VERY VERY unwise decision. Not just any unwise decision, but one that I told myself I would never make again. As much as I'd like to frame it as a mistake, I know that stupidity and a lack of self esteem defer from a mistake in the way that a mistake is not a mistake when you begin to do the same thing countlessly. Same script written with a new pen. 

BASIC SYNOPSIS: 

For the sake of my privacy, I'm not going to into too much detail about the actions that took place. The unwise decision placed me in a state of choosing between my "building identity" and pleasure. Ultimately, I chose pleasure and was left at the crime scene as the victim and the murderer; it was a sort of self-inflicted...internal suicide.

The older--and, no less single--I get, I find myself in a war zone where the fight is between who I want to be and what others think I should--or expect me to be. The hard part about it is knowing that since it's me against myself, I'm bound to lose in some way or the other. 

No woman wants to be thought of easy, nor does she want to be thought of as so tough of a cookie that it's "pointless to try to approach her". I can't speak for every woman, but I can certainly speak for myself when I say, I'm willing to be the "easiest piece of meat" for my man. But, I'm working hard at not letting myself be easy just to get a man. 

Overall, I need to STEP UP for me. Step up for me...or lay down for everyone else? The streets lay flat, and they get ran over unlimitedly.

Still waiting in line...

Hey you!

It's a new day, and a blank page awaits a literary delivery of the day's events. So, here goes.

Today's subject is, "there's enough for everyone, but I'm still waiting in line". 

Indeed, this quote belongs to Natasha Bedingfield's song, Soulmate. 

As I take moderately-slow sips on my Lo-Carb MONSTER energy drink, which I got for free from a man--not a random man, I promise--near Astor place, I reflect on my day....keep reading:

1. Digesting the realness of being down to my last 40 beans (beans=dollars): It's amazing how there are so many jobs, and places that claim to be hiring, most of which, I've applied to, but I'm still waiting in line for a freaKin' job! For the sake of goodness, it's NYC. If you know of any places that are hiring, let me know, please. 

???Q. Am I just not trying/searching hard enough, or am I being too picky...?

2. Story of the Day: Today, towards the end of 4th street's block party, I saw a good-looking chocolate man who had mile-long dreads. 

Several times, we connected through eye contact and a smile. Now, I don't mean to be conceited. But, I'm almost certain that while I was helping with clean up after the event--without pay, of course--he was on the side, sitting on his bike. I'm almost Absolutely positive that he was waiting for me. Little did he know, it was gonna take a bit more time than he thought, for me to be off duty. Anywho, on with the important part of the story. Every now and then, I'd look at the spot where I knew he was waiting, to see if he was still there. After four glances--with decent timing in between--he was still there in that same spot, and of course we looked and smiled at each other during those four glances. Here's where the story twists: I went further up the block to help the stage crew, and (lol) when I "retreated back to headquarters", he wasn't there. My chocolate man was gone with the wind. 

Relevance to today's subject? 

Well, some say there's somebody for everybody, but, I'm still waiting in line for my somebody. 

?Q. Why is it that some of the sweetest and most down-to-earth women are still single?

??Q. Why is that when you've got a man (or a woman), everybody wants to holler at you, but when you're single, sometimes it's like you're invisible?

???Q. Could it truly be that some of us single ladies are trying too hard to validate ourselves through involvement with a man, and we've got to truly learn to love ourselves and love love before we can gain or appreciate love from a partner?

????Q. When you've found that "somebody" will you truly know that the search is over?

Hmmm..., what do you think? what questions could I add to my list...?

______________________________

With all said and done. If you could relate to this post, chances are you'll really enjoy the song that has inspired the title of today's subject.

This is Soulmate by Natasha Bedingfield. 

*Special thanks to Roxy for bringing this song to my attention.

This is the start of something new....

There's a song whose lyrics go a little something like this, "This is the start of something new...". Unfortunately, I can't recall how the rest of the song goes. Regardless, this small snippet that I do remember, is the purpose of this post. 

This is the first official post of-- hopefully!--daily posts on the "PEPPER-MINT". [*side note* day 1 and I'm already christening the blog with a nickname, awh!, how cute. ]

At the beginning of every/any project, it's always good to set goals. So, here are some TOP 5 goals, divided into categories.

TOP 5 FOR THE SUMMER:

(no special order)

1. take advantage (seriously!!!) of fun opportunities NYC has to offer

2. find a job!!!!-- This needs to be at the top of the list 'cause I can't do much without the rewards of a job

3. write a shit-load of poems/songs/blog posts

4. get back into breaking (break dancing, in case you're a lost)

5. update the wardrobe--but, of course, this links back to # 2

TOP 5 FOR THE WEEK:

1. email some professors 

2. submit some poems to magazines and newspapers---wish me the best

3. write daily for the "MINT"--wup!, there goes another nickname, lol

4. start doin' some type of physical nightly routine--nothing perverted of course--I'm referring to exercise of some sort, get your mind out of the gutter

5. complete my goals!!!---the hardest of them all