NOT Gon' Cry

Hey reader,

Sitting on the floor, legs stretched out, and a purple freeze pop in hand; this is my current state. It's been a little lot a bit of time since I've posted something. Since the weather is all crappy, and I'm attempting to slay some time before my minutes are free, I'm gonna write.

Today's random quote/theme is (drum rrroll please!)...

"I don’t have no time to cry”

With that being said, though there is a lot for me to cry about at this point in my life (i.e. this sucky weather that had held me back from clubbin'), there is also a lot to smile, laugh, and be joyous about. So, here it is in list form (no special order, except # 1 has to be #1):

1. Yah girl is now employed! yes-- you read it correctly, at lasssstttt my jobbbb has come along, and my broooke days are overrr...

You know I had to drop the lyrics to the remix. Anywho, after I take my drug test (which, I will pass), I will be doing orientation and will be fully employed. hoLLa!

2. I've added new members to my closet club. These members consist of a black over-the-shoulder sling bag, a beige Fedora (made 100% paper, tell me that's not cool, and yeS! it is a legit Fedora), seamless purple spandex shorts, a black spandex spaghetti-strapped dress (got to get that full-body grip, *wink wink*), and a long leopard print halter dress (that thankfully doesn't require bra "wearage" 'cause my titties look great in them). THANK YOU GOD...FOR NEW CLOTHES!

3. I am very close to finishing a poem. Yaayyyy!

In case you're wondering, the poem is about city life and how we "city dwellers" have somehow become too comfortable, particularly in areas (i.e. violence) that require DiScomfort (just like this guy's wedgy).

_______________________

Now do you see why, "I don't have time to cry"? Yep, it's 'cause I'm making time to smile about the great things that have come my way. Here's a throw back jam from Mary J. B. (ripped and re-sewn by Monica...she had me in tears, now thaT's a reason 2 cry):

....iS the matter

Happy Sunday!!!

Happy Sunday, indeed it was! 

Today was a great day. I went to an outdoor birthday celebration. In relaxed terms, I went to a cookout. Considering that yesterday fell down on me hard like the twin towers hitting pavement. Some-how, there's a little light that clings to my inner-walls. This is the light of faith that keeps me believing that what I'm experiencing now is not the worst and that everything will be alright. This light is little but its shine is hella-bright! 

With this being said, today's theme is: "Fear iS the matter"

Rather than applying and dedicating this quote solely to this day, I will make it my ambition to make sure that this statement is challenged throughout the week. When I think about how saddening my current status is, I have to analyze and categorize how much control I have over each situation. Let me explain exactly what it is that I'm referring to when I say "my current status". So, here's a brief synopsis:

1. I haven't yet received my $500 stipend that I was guaranteed and used as the foundation for budgeting my summer in NYC. 

2. I currently have $30 in my account and it gets lower as I purchase a daily metro card.

3. My phone has been shut off because I have exceeded and haven't been able to pay my balance.

4. I don't have a job!

Out of all of these "numbers", four is the one that dictates and outweighs the list. If I had a job, number 2 & 3 would not be existing factors, and number 1 simply wouldn't matter. 

MAIN POINT: I have control over my ability to get a job. While I have done some job searching and filling out of applications online, I have not [at all] stepped foot into a store to submit an application. One of my friends who was in the same position that I'm currently in, just recently got a job. If she can do it, I know I can do it too! What holds me back from searching to the best of my ability is FEAR. Honestly, something about physically entering a store and asking if whether or not they are hiring, and for an application, intimidates me. To add on to this, I think it's my sky-high-pride that also holds me back from doing what is necessary in order to get where I need to be. I guess I could draw the conclusion that my pride is actually a derivation of FEAR. 

CONCLUSION: My goal is to go store to store and ask for applications. Furthermore, once I post this entry I will research "job fairs" that I can attend, which might actually be a better/easier target. I have to do this for me! FEAR IS THE MATTER....THAT HOLDS ME BACK. I need to be brave. 

On that note, I leave you with a tune by Brave Little Toaster

(hey, don't judge me for thinking outside the box and sharing something expected/common like Brave by J. Lo)

Obligated...

I feel obligated to be me

What an interesting--to say the least--day! I'm not even sure where to begin with this post. Alright, I'll start with today's "theme". The subject for today is based on the line, "I feel obligated to be me". 

I had the day off today, and spent most of my time outside just enjoying the beautiful Bronx view. At this moment, mostly every part of me is wishing that I never stepped a foot out of my front door. My reasoning for this is based upon the main event that took place today. Long story short, I basically made a VERY VERY unwise decision. Not just any unwise decision, but one that I told myself I would never make again. As much as I'd like to frame it as a mistake, I know that stupidity and a lack of self esteem defer from a mistake in the way that a mistake is not a mistake when you begin to do the same thing countlessly. Same script written with a new pen. 

BASIC SYNOPSIS: 

For the sake of my privacy, I'm not going to into too much detail about the actions that took place. The unwise decision placed me in a state of choosing between my "building identity" and pleasure. Ultimately, I chose pleasure and was left at the crime scene as the victim and the murderer; it was a sort of self-inflicted...internal suicide.

The older--and, no less single--I get, I find myself in a war zone where the fight is between who I want to be and what others think I should--or expect me to be. The hard part about it is knowing that since it's me against myself, I'm bound to lose in some way or the other. 

No woman wants to be thought of easy, nor does she want to be thought of as so tough of a cookie that it's "pointless to try to approach her". I can't speak for every woman, but I can certainly speak for myself when I say, I'm willing to be the "easiest piece of meat" for my man. But, I'm working hard at not letting myself be easy just to get a man. 

Overall, I need to STEP UP for me. Step up for me...or lay down for everyone else? The streets lay flat, and they get ran over unlimitedly.

Still waiting in line...

Hey you!

It's a new day, and a blank page awaits a literary delivery of the day's events. So, here goes.

Today's subject is, "there's enough for everyone, but I'm still waiting in line". 

Indeed, this quote belongs to Natasha Bedingfield's song, Soulmate. 

As I take moderately-slow sips on my Lo-Carb MONSTER energy drink, which I got for free from a man--not a random man, I promise--near Astor place, I reflect on my day....keep reading:

1. Digesting the realness of being down to my last 40 beans (beans=dollars): It's amazing how there are so many jobs, and places that claim to be hiring, most of which, I've applied to, but I'm still waiting in line for a freaKin' job! For the sake of goodness, it's NYC. If you know of any places that are hiring, let me know, please. 

???Q. Am I just not trying/searching hard enough, or am I being too picky...?

2. Story of the Day: Today, towards the end of 4th street's block party, I saw a good-looking chocolate man who had mile-long dreads. 

Several times, we connected through eye contact and a smile. Now, I don't mean to be conceited. But, I'm almost certain that while I was helping with clean up after the event--without pay, of course--he was on the side, sitting on his bike. I'm almost Absolutely positive that he was waiting for me. Little did he know, it was gonna take a bit more time than he thought, for me to be off duty. Anywho, on with the important part of the story. Every now and then, I'd look at the spot where I knew he was waiting, to see if he was still there. After four glances--with decent timing in between--he was still there in that same spot, and of course we looked and smiled at each other during those four glances. Here's where the story twists: I went further up the block to help the stage crew, and (lol) when I "retreated back to headquarters", he wasn't there. My chocolate man was gone with the wind. 

Relevance to today's subject? 

Well, some say there's somebody for everybody, but, I'm still waiting in line for my somebody. 

?Q. Why is it that some of the sweetest and most down-to-earth women are still single?

??Q. Why is that when you've got a man (or a woman), everybody wants to holler at you, but when you're single, sometimes it's like you're invisible?

???Q. Could it truly be that some of us single ladies are trying too hard to validate ourselves through involvement with a man, and we've got to truly learn to love ourselves and love love before we can gain or appreciate love from a partner?

????Q. When you've found that "somebody" will you truly know that the search is over?

Hmmm..., what do you think? what questions could I add to my list...?

______________________________

With all said and done. If you could relate to this post, chances are you'll really enjoy the song that has inspired the title of today's subject.

This is Soulmate by Natasha Bedingfield. 

*Special thanks to Roxy for bringing this song to my attention.

This is the start of something new....

There's a song whose lyrics go a little something like this, "This is the start of something new...". Unfortunately, I can't recall how the rest of the song goes. Regardless, this small snippet that I do remember, is the purpose of this post. 

This is the first official post of-- hopefully!--daily posts on the "PEPPER-MINT". [*side note* day 1 and I'm already christening the blog with a nickname, awh!, how cute. ]

At the beginning of every/any project, it's always good to set goals. So, here are some TOP 5 goals, divided into categories.

TOP 5 FOR THE SUMMER:

(no special order)

1. take advantage (seriously!!!) of fun opportunities NYC has to offer

2. find a job!!!!-- This needs to be at the top of the list 'cause I can't do much without the rewards of a job

3. write a shit-load of poems/songs/blog posts

4. get back into breaking (break dancing, in case you're a lost)

5. update the wardrobe--but, of course, this links back to # 2

TOP 5 FOR THE WEEK:

1. email some professors 

2. submit some poems to magazines and newspapers---wish me the best

3. write daily for the "MINT"--wup!, there goes another nickname, lol

4. start doin' some type of physical nightly routine--nothing perverted of course--I'm referring to exercise of some sort, get your mind out of the gutter

5. complete my goals!!!---the hardest of them all