Since the time of my last post, something "major" that has changed is my relationship status. I am back on the list alongside all the single ladies. And, I am throwing my hands up (like Beyonce said) because I do have something to say. I watched a video that a friend of mine sent to me in a message. The video is about black married couples, from a truthful perspective. While watching the video, a phrase that really resonated in my mind was,
"YOUNG GIRLS HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW MEN ARE...AND WHAT MAKES UP A GOOD MAN. THEIR FIRST TEACHER IS OFTEN THEIR FATHERS"
This statement could not have been said any better. Men who become fathers (by choice or unplanned) are not only responsible, but essentially, are obligated to be models of exactly what kind of man their daughters should accept in their life. So many women, like myself, who have grown up without a father--or a father figure--in the household, live their lives dipping in and out of "relationships" with boys who haven't learned how to a be a man to a deserving and great woman. The lack of a father in the home is both a disadvantage to male and female children in the way that it negatively affects their judgements as adults. As the video mentions, and as I just stated, girls are impacted by this absence in the sense that because we don't have a blueprint or a sort of manual (which should be provided for us through the love and support of our fathers) we nomadically browse through guys, while only having the slightest clue--for some of us-- as to what it is that we need. In other words, we lead our selves on a hunt for men driven by "want"-based fuel; "oh, i want a guy who...", or "i want a guy that...". Ladies, needs will always outweigh wants.
In the case of young boys who grow up without a father, the disadvantage lies in choice-making that pertains to the way they view themselves amongst other men, and alongside women. These unfathered sons, sometimes grow up thinking that being a man is about being tough, and having control. Moreover, because they witnessed seeing their father leave their mother, or in some cases, not there at all, these sons grow up thinking that it is acceptable to "inferiorize" women, merely because of their fathers' treatment towards their mothers.
With all of this being said, the main point that I want to staple this canvas is that men who become fathers, whether accidently or by choice, need to step up! As a father, you are obligated to care for and properly guide whatever creature gets pushed out of the womb of the woman into whom you inserted your instrument. If you're gonna have an instrument, you better learn and be willing to make music. Furthermore, what you raise and instill in these children will dictate their choices as adults, and if they do become parents it's very possible that they could treat their seeds the same way that you treated them. Thus, this will only lead us to a continuously recycled system of boys who don't know how to be men, and girls afraid of becoming women because of this lack of male guidance.
If your hands aren't strong enough or capable of holding what god places in them, then keep the glove on!
