....iS the matter

Happy Sunday!!!

Happy Sunday, indeed it was! 

Today was a great day. I went to an outdoor birthday celebration. In relaxed terms, I went to a cookout. Considering that yesterday fell down on me hard like the twin towers hitting pavement. Some-how, there's a little light that clings to my inner-walls. This is the light of faith that keeps me believing that what I'm experiencing now is not the worst and that everything will be alright. This light is little but its shine is hella-bright! 

With this being said, today's theme is: "Fear iS the matter"

Rather than applying and dedicating this quote solely to this day, I will make it my ambition to make sure that this statement is challenged throughout the week. When I think about how saddening my current status is, I have to analyze and categorize how much control I have over each situation. Let me explain exactly what it is that I'm referring to when I say "my current status". So, here's a brief synopsis:

1. I haven't yet received my $500 stipend that I was guaranteed and used as the foundation for budgeting my summer in NYC. 

2. I currently have $30 in my account and it gets lower as I purchase a daily metro card.

3. My phone has been shut off because I have exceeded and haven't been able to pay my balance.

4. I don't have a job!

Out of all of these "numbers", four is the one that dictates and outweighs the list. If I had a job, number 2 & 3 would not be existing factors, and number 1 simply wouldn't matter. 

MAIN POINT: I have control over my ability to get a job. While I have done some job searching and filling out of applications online, I have not [at all] stepped foot into a store to submit an application. One of my friends who was in the same position that I'm currently in, just recently got a job. If she can do it, I know I can do it too! What holds me back from searching to the best of my ability is FEAR. Honestly, something about physically entering a store and asking if whether or not they are hiring, and for an application, intimidates me. To add on to this, I think it's my sky-high-pride that also holds me back from doing what is necessary in order to get where I need to be. I guess I could draw the conclusion that my pride is actually a derivation of FEAR. 

CONCLUSION: My goal is to go store to store and ask for applications. Furthermore, once I post this entry I will research "job fairs" that I can attend, which might actually be a better/easier target. I have to do this for me! FEAR IS THE MATTER....THAT HOLDS ME BACK. I need to be brave. 

On that note, I leave you with a tune by Brave Little Toaster

(hey, don't judge me for thinking outside the box and sharing something expected/common like Brave by J. Lo)